My Eve of Justice Speech

Tonight, at 35 Eve of Justice events across the state of California as well as in Arizona and Oklahoma, people are coming together to light the way to the Supreme Court in honor of tomorrow’s opening statements by the attorneys who will try to overthrow prop 8.

This is from the Eve of Justice planning group… (Tonight we are sending a unified message to our fellow Californians, that it is wrong to take away basic rights from a minority group at the ballot box, and we consider equal marriage rights vital to our lives and families. Tonight we also give our love and support to all the families headed by same-sex couples who are threatened by the recent electoral outcome, as well as same-sex couples whose hopes and dreams of marriage and family have been frustrated by enactment of Prop 8.)

For me, to do this here, at Reverend Sarah’s church is quite meaningful.

Two days before our planned civil ceremony at the county clerk’s office on August 8, Karla and I met with Sarah for the first time.

Within hours of our meeting and a day and a half before we got married, we decided to change our plans and instead got married by Sarah at the Oak Creek Community Park near our house where our neighbor’s daughter spent the day, staking out our space at the picnic benches.

Sarah also brought a fellow parishioner and musician, who had offered to play for free at any gay or lesbian wedding. He is John Schuster, who is also playing here tonight.

And … on the night after the election, Sarah opened up her church to the community so we would have some place to come together and hold one another through our pain and sadness.

How perfect for Sarah and for this space that we can come together here on the Eve of Justice.

At our reception, I asked my brother to read this poem – it is called A MARRIAGE, by Michael Blumenthal:

You are holding up a ceiling

with both arms. It is very heavy,

but you must hold it up, or else

it will fall down on you. Your arms

are tired, terribly tired,

and, as the day goes on, it feels

as if either your arms or the ceiling

will soon collapse.

But then,

unexpectedly,

something wonderful happens:

Someone,

a man or a woman,

walks into the room

and holds their arms up

to the ceiling beside you.

So you finally get

to take down your arms.

You feel the relief of respite,

the blood flowing back

to your fingers and arms.

And when your partner's arms tire,

you hold up your own

to relieve him again.

And it can go on like this

for many years

without the house falling.

Karla and I were doing fine holding up our house before we got married. We love and support one another and had committed to holding up our house together.

But once we got married, I felt the love and support of our families and friends, buttressed by the legal recognition from the state of California. The burden felt lighter, the experience less lonely, and the fear and shame that still surfaced from time to time, dissolved.

Standing in the park that day, and for some time after, I felt safe.

A few weeks after our wonderful and amazing two-day wedding I was driving home from work, got off the freeway at Jeffrey, and there they were.

I had seen the signs, but I guess I did not expect to see the people.

My heart began to beat furiously. I glared intently at one woman from my car window and I swear she actually looked down. Perhaps this is a projection, but I sensed that she saw me, my face, my eyes, my pain, and she felt ashamed.

There were a lot of them, more than 50.

But then, as I approached the median at Alton, there was one young woman, very small, with dark hair, standing there, surrounded by the pasty-faced yellow-shirted glossy-eyed fancy-printed-sign holders, with a homemade sign on a piece of cardboard that simply said “No on 8.” If you are here, by the way, I’d love to give you a huge hug.

I screamed out my car window that I’d be right there.

By the time I parked, a small man with head of curly reddish brown hair had arrived carrying a bunch of no on 8 signs. He did not know who I was, but he handed me a sign.

That was the night I met Harvey Liss. Or at least one of the Harveys, because I swear there are 2 of him just like there is more than one Felicity and more than on Dean Inada, both of whom also showed up shortly thereafter.

Another night, at the same street corner, as Harvey hauled out the big sign – the 8 footer on actual posterboard that took 2 people to carry - I remember asking him “Harvey, why are you here, why are you doing this?” And without a beat he answered “I am trying to save my life.”

After that first night, something that had been percolating inside me simply erupted. I am not sure it has stopped since then, and I do not know when it will. I had been involved before that night, but the combination of seeing those people with their awful yellow signs, and meeting Harvey, Felicity, Dean and others, ignited in me both shear terror and profound hope. How could you not hope when you find out that Dean goes to Barnes and Noble and slips meeting flyers inside the pages of all the progressive magazines?

Soon after that I met BJ and soon after that, a small group of crazy incensed terrorized homo loving commies (or commie loving homos?) stayed up for 72 hours engaged in some insane mission to get to the voters at the polls.

And, then, on the Saturday after the election, in Archer’s dance studio, writing our notes on the mirrored studio walls, we formed OCEC.

God knows that holding up our own ceilings can be difficult enough. But we have work to do.

Tonight is about making a pledge, as a community, despite and in celebration of all of our differences, to continue to pursue justice, regardless of what the courts decide.

The openly gay civil rights leader, who organized the 1963 March on Washington, and considered by many a father of the modern Black movement, Bayard Rustin said “To be afraid is to behave as if the truth were not true.”

So I am going to ask you to put the other stuff down and to help us hold up THIS ceiling. Because when we are holding on to the anger, fear, disappointment, and disagreements, we cannot hold up the ceiling.

And we need all of our arms, so that we can take turns holding up the ceiling and reaching out to others.

It is the only way we will achieve equality for ALL.

Marriage Matters

Our video. Please watch it and rate it!

"Warrengate" or "How You Too Can Be Friends With Melissa Ethridge"

I have recently accepted the post as Vice-Chair of OCEC, the Orange County Equality Coalition, a new non-profit that is working to establish equal rights. I am still not sure what a Vice-Chair does but this post really has nothing to do with my Palinesque condition. What it has meant so far is that I get a lot of emails. Some people even ask me for my thoughts on issues of concern. Imagine that. I received one email asking if I had any thoughts about Rick Warren and here is my response.

I am out of town - in Milwaukee actually, where it is now 14 below 0. Asking me if I have thoughts on Rick Warren is like asking me if it is cold here.

My thoughts: My first impulse when I heard was sheer disbelief and outrage. Last week I wrote to everyone I know encouraging them to write letters to ask Obama to rethink this choice. Some of the people I wrote to (not many, but some), suggested that I was too hasty to condemn this decision. Some people are of the mind (and faith, I think) that this is part of Obama's bigger plan to create dialogue and also to stir up the right and to get people to listen to the other side (our side) that might not if we continue to dismiss all those who don't agree with our perspective. My brother, who campaigned for Obama in Milwaukee, has a "fantasy" that the reason Obama did this (as well as why he made some of his cabinet choices) was to make sure that the left stays riled up and continues to push back. In my brother's "fantasy" Obama knows that unless people get mad enough, they stay complacent, so he is doing this to make sure that we do not become apathetic again now that he is in office. In Obama's view (in my brother's fantasy, mind you), nothing will change unless we make it change, and we won't stay engaged if we think he is just going to make everything better for us once he takes command of the Whitehouse. I love this fantasy; it suggests a participative democracy rather than the authoritarianism embraced by Bush and the right.


At the same time, all of these potentially laudable explanations aside, I, like many, cannot get past my hurt, outrage and skepticism. I go back and forth. On the one hand I think that this just has to be a part of some brilliant scheme on Obama's part, that he truly means it when he says he is a "fierce advocate for gays and lesbians," and he believes that this is what will ultimately lead to our liberation. On the other hand, I think we have been duped, he is just another politician, and we are coming up with all of these explanations because we just cannot take another huge disappointment. It seems so implausible that Obama would do something so incredibly insensitive and incendiary. But have we projected our hopes too willingly on Obama, desperate to find a politician in whom we can believe? Perhaps this was his m.o. all along.

Regardless, I think we need to take his decision about Warren for its face value. Whether he means it to be a way to continue to engage us and also to stir up the right, or he simply sucks like the rest of them, we cannot be silent when any leader chooses to acknowledge so honorably someone who has been so clearly against our civil rights. If we do that, we fail either way, and what is more, it would simply be bad for us psychologically.

It is vital, however, that whatever we do, we do not provide any ammunition for the right. We must be peaceful and civil. We do not have to respect this choice, and we certainly do have to respect Warren, but we must act respectfully.

Ideas: Given all of this (maybe more than you wanted to know), I suggest that we continue to promote massive letter writing. Not just emails, but letters. Massive amounts of mail letting Obama know exactly how we feel. If he is not going to rescind this invite to Warren, he needs to really make it clear that he does not endorse Warren's views. He also needs to come out very clearly against prop 8, and against any initiative that would take rights away, and he must reinforce the vital role of separation of church and state as necessary for our survival as a democracy.

I am sure there is more, and that probably, anything less than a dis-invitation to Warren, will feel satisfactory. However, back to my original point, regardless of Obama's motives, to do nothing at all is just not an option.

prop 8 limerick?

I told Karla that at least with "the gays" (that is us...) we get great signs. Imagine the signs if it were the other way around!

So I made up a limerick after I saw the one below:

There once was a ballot named eight
whose goal was to legislate hate
Frank and the guys
spread fear and told lies
and now I can't marry my mate!

more of my intolerance

So, speaking of intolerance, I read just about everything that has the the following symbols in a row in any sentence: "prop 8." I read yet another ignoramuscomment (I know it is not one word... I do not care) on how our (our, meaning us gays, you know "the gays") protests are a demonstration of our (us, the gays) intolerance. AAARRRGGGHHH.

The ignoramus says:

"Why aren’t people speaking out against the intolerance of those who refuse to accept the decision made by California voters — that marriage is between a man and a woman? You don’t see McCain supporters protesting his defeat; we accept the decision of the voters. ..."

And I say:
Ya know, I am freaking sick of this kind of ignorance. Gee, I dunno, maybe because a small majority of voters who used a sleazy, dishonest and hurtful campaign and wasted millions and millions of dollars, just trampled on my civil rights, which I only just had the great pleasure of actually taking advantage of because gays and lesbians have been discriminated against and victimized for years and still are? Most of the people who are protesting do so peacefully and legally, and the freaking "anthrax" was probably a stunt set up by Frank Schubert anyway. And why do dickwads like this think this comment is even acceptable? What about the years of emotional, verbal, spiritual and physical violence against gays and lesbians? Many think now that maybe it is time that we were MORE INTOLERANT! I am personally struggling with this on a greater scale in terms of my own involvement and am consulting the oracles for insight. But for now, I am intolerant of this dickwad. Can you tell?

I have to go to sleep, but seriously, this is the kind of hypocrisy and ignorance that one could go on and on about. It is the same with Frank Schubert, who I am certain is channeling Joseph Goebbels, who said we are not allowed to boycott. Not allowed to boycott? Did I miss an amendment?

(unknown protester with awesome sign)

my intolerance

Following my last post, I received a comment from someone named Katherine. I do not know who she is, but I thought I'd make a post from her comment and my response. Call me lazy.

Here it is:

Anonymous said...

I completely agreed with you that everyone should have the same rights until I read this... why go off on someone like that when they were just telling you their opinion? I ask you the same thing you asked her, WWJD? Have some compassion for other people even if they don't feel the same way you do. I feel the same way you do but I still think that was wrong and rude and not the greatest way to be a light for God. Just my thoughts...

Katherine

And I said:

Katherine - I do appreciate your feedback regarding my last entry. I was clearly angry and attacking with my words. I do hope that one day I will be able to hold all people in my heart and treat them with compassion and respect no matter what, even if they are relating my sexual orientation to the behavior of adulterers, murderers, drug addicts, sinners, liars, & people of corruption. You may say that this is not what the writer, Ms. D, was doing, and I do not want to argue about semantics. Even if one believes that we are all sinners... their beliefs have no place in the Constitution of a democratic and pluralistic society. I agree I could have been less hostile in my comments, I wish I were better at that sometimes. However, I was deeply hurt and very angry. A group of people, Ms. D included, had voted to strip me of a civil right and to make discrimination against ME legal, based on their religious beliefs. Then Ms. D suggested that my pastor was preaching against God's will. What an awful thing to say to a devoted and learned pastor who has dedicated her time and energy to teaching love. Yes, we all have a right to our opinions. The difference, and this is a point so often lost on so many, is that I HAVE NOT ATTEMPTED TO MAKE LAWS BASED ON MY OPINIONS and then claim that I am justified in doing so because that is what God would want. My sexual orientation is not an opinion. It is part of who I am and how God made me. You cannot say you love me EVEN THOUGH I am a homosexual! I also want to point out that I am not trying to be a light for God - or even pretend I could speak for God in any way - or for that matter pretend to know for sure what God's will is - other than to love one another. I love what President Elect Obama said - I am not at a high enough pay scale for that. Being a light for God is too big of a task for me - unless I can be a light that sometimes gets pissed off when people call me unworthy, trample my rights and act like idiots (see what I mean). I am however, trying to be a voice that speaks the truth to intolerance and hypocrisy and if I want to shed a light on anything it is ignorance. Thank you for your comments and I will work on my rage... and try to be more compassionate towards all people. But honestly, right now, I just can't seem to find a place in my heart for people who believe, because of a literal and limited understanding of the bible, that I do not deserve equal rights. I am open to working on this... it would be nice and maybe I would not hurt so very very deeply.

Laura

I have not heard from her again...

Come on and say it to my face

Some silly person made some silly comments on the facebook wall of Reverend Sarah Halverson, the pastor who married Karla and me. Sarah emailed me about the comments and I just felt compelled to sound off on this chick, in support of Sarah and her profoundly wise and enlightened Christian teachings and her relentless struggle to fight for justice for all people. Sarah has probably dedicated more time and energy to fight prop 8 than half of West Hollywood combined. And she is not gay. Sarah is one of the most amazing people I have been blessed to meet thus far in my life. She is the senior pastor at the Fairview Community Church in Costa Mesa and she represents the spirit and voice of a loving and compassionate Christianity.

The name of the person who wrote the silly comments is Tiffany "D" and this is what she wrote on Sarah’s wall:

Our God is a God of love but he created us to be man and wife. He loves all of his children, including adulterers, murderers, drug addicts, sinners, liars, & people of corruption. That doesn't mean he would encourage the behavior. I am offended that I fought for God and the way he intended for marriage and now I am being catorgized as someone who hates homosexuals.

Then she wrote:

I as a Christian am also categorized in the same group. For I am a SINNER. I am simply stating that God's plan for marriage was between a man and woman and because I believe in HIS WORD, does not make me intolerate or someone who hates homosexuals. It also does not mean that I do not have love and compassion for homosexuals. I am speaking to Sarah to understand where she is coming from as a Christian and a woman of God. To love everyone as God loves them is different than preaching against His Will. Sarah believes in questioning Christianity. Well she has put her self up for questioning as well.

This was the response that I posted on Reverend Sarah's wall:

Dear wise and beautiful Sarah full of love and compassion, please forgive me and feel free to delete this, but I am so sick of this hypocrisy, I must object and I may be a bit, well, intolerant. I promise to take this up with my maker at a later date…

Ms. "D" – your comment represents a misguided, hypocritical, and loathing group of psychologically frozen individuals who are so full of fear that they somehow thought it right to embark on a epic mission to prevent loving couples from being married. This is how you have used your time and resources when there is so much trouble in the world. There are so many places where we can actually use our love and compassion for good instead of spending millions and millions of dollars to take away people's rights - specifically the rights of loving people to get married. I really do wonder, WWJD?

Ms. "D" - your comment smacks of entitlement and religious bigotry that is so far from being loving or compassionate, I can only imagine God weeps for you. How dare you write such blasphemy on Sarah’s wall. How dare you think yourself so self-important as to speak for God or so self-righteous as to think God would wish you to make laws in His name.

Ms. "D" – I would like to meet with you and have you tell me to my face, with all of your love and compassion for homosexuals, and I mean this, to my face, that you believe that I do not deserve the same rights as you and that God would agree.

Take some time, Ms. "D" to really think about that moment, you and me, face to face, and you telling me how much love and compassion you have for me and that I do not deserve the same rights as you.

Imagine, Ms. "D" that God is watching in this moment and think, Ms. "D," about what Christianity is really truly about, and now, imagine these words coming from your mouth: “Yes, Laura, God would not want you to have the same rights as me because you love another woman.” You and those who believe that this is what God would want - should be ashamed of yourselves.

Now this I did not write on Sarah’s wall, out of respect for the good Reverend.

Ms. D, "."